Before I begin, I must congratulate our Fucking Great friend, Dan, on making it to 18 years old. I think once you hit 18, you're almost guaranteed to reach 81... I'm sure you could convince some idiots in the world of that logic. But anyway, in honor of DFG's birthday, I will detail my meals with great care, because I know Dan will accept nothing less.
Breakfast:
In honor of Dan the Fucking Great, I made certain to at least consider breakfast. After Sociology class, I grabbed a Pepsi from The Exchange before going to English, which started at 11:30. So, I drank a soda in English class, like all the cool kids do in college. Does that count as breakfast? Not really. Oh well.
Lunch:
After English class, I made my way back down to South Campus, where my dorm and dining hall reside. I dropped my scooter off in my room, and then grabbed Jeremy, a fellow hallmate (he'll be important later in this post), to go to the Spit with me. There, I had a slice of semi-stale plain pizza, a hot dog, and a grilled cheese, in honor of my sister. It was an okay meal, nothing special.
Dinner:
This afternoon, I went to the writing center to have an old hag pour over every last word in my first essay. I can't believe this was a requirement for my class, because that was an awful experience. After every sentence, she stopped, repeated it three or four times, and then told me that it was a crappy sentence. Every last sentence. We didn't even get to the end of my paper, which I thought was the part that needed the most improvement, because we ran out of time. Screw that; I'm never going there again. So, I needed something to cheer me up after this ordeal, so I stopped over at the Connelly Center to grab myself a chocolate milkshake. Not long thereafter, a bunch of hallmates and I went to the Spit for dinner. They ran out of chicken at the deli, so I had a turkey panini instead. It wasn't nearly as good. But anyway, that's not the point. The real story was that Kris sabotaged my soda by pouring salt into it. Let me add, most of the time Kris, does stupid crap like this, it's usually out of retalliation from something I did first. Not this, though. Completely unprovoked. Well, I burst a blood vessel and smashed my napkin into Kris' spaghetti, utterly destroying the plate. A napkin fight endured and Kris suffered the greatest losses. Serves him right. Somewhere along the day, though, a joke came about that it was Jeremy from lunch's birthday, even though his birthday is in June. We smuggled a piece of chocolate cake from the Spit, and brought it to Jeremy, who was still in his room. Then, about ten of us started singing him happy birthday as he stared resentfully at the cake that had been placed before him. Meanwhile, one or two guys went around and wrote "Happy Birthday Jeremy" on every white board on the floor. Soon, random people started walking over and wishing him a happy birthday. He was extremely pissed, as he is quite irritable. I'm sure the cake was awesome. Seeing how it's actually Dan the Fucking Great's birthday, I found it very fitting that such a story would take place today. I hope you had some cake too, big guy. Happy birthday.
-Professor Nesto
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