Columbus Day

Well ladies and gents, as we all know, today is one of the best holidays we Americans have. The day that the great Christopher Columbus discovered this wonderful land! A little known fact about this wonderful day, is that it's actually a massive entanglement of distorted, fabricated, Italian bullshit! That's right folks! The Italians found another excuse to harass us and brag about their heritage. Bastards. It's so typically Italian to claim discovery of a continent that had already been inhabited for hundreds of years. That's right. Way back when, there used to be a group of people we like to refer to as the Native Americans. Believe it or not, they were the group of homo-sapiens which were native to America! So naturally, they should be accredited with the discovery of the land they're native to right? Wrong. Of course! It was Christopher Columbus! I guess the Italians were right after all. I can't quite comprehend the concept of discovering something that's already been discovered, but if the Italians say it's true, it must be! I guess I'll just sit tight and watch them prance around and repeatedly tell the world how Italian they are. But hey, since it doesn't really matter if people are already there or not, maybe someday I can go discover Italy!

Breakfast: Fortunately, I got all the Italian out of me last night while I still had the chance. I had several pieces of pizza, and maybe that was part of the reason I wasn't hungry in the least this morning. Instead I watched the Italians on television. "Oh how great it is to be Italian today! And even if you're not Italian...you can pretend you're Italian for the day!"
Fuck you!

Lunch: For lunch today, I headed out with my dearest mother to Wendys. We were on our way home from Target, and decided to stop by a fast food joint. Wendys just fit our needs perfectly. My mum got a sour cream and chives baked potato, and as far as relevance is concerned, I got the same. We discussed...and by we I mean she...the different types of people that gather during different times in the day. At this particular time, there were God knows how many senior citizens in the area. I didn't know old people ate Wendys! Least they weren't eating Italian food.

Dinner: Ah, the final meal of this accursed day. For dinner, I took a trip with my mother and father to Ruby Tuesdays, where I got myself the last non-italian meal of the day, a salad and a baked potato. What can I say? I guess I had to display my own nationality. That's why after dinner, I went home and got ridiculously drunk until the point of natural reasoning was far past me. Courtesy of my parents. Oh-ho, I jest I jest. My mother got some type of burger with something on it, and my father got a chicken quisa-however the hell you spell it. Crazy Mexicans and their crazy names. Were it up to me, I'd call it Two Tortillas with Cheese in the middle of it. And the fact that I'd be willing to spell out Tortilla might even be stretching it a bit. Shortly after dinner, I was interrogated by them about college for God knows how long, until we returned home.

The moral of today's story...I hate Italians.
No offense New Bill, we'll always be Chemistry Partners.