And it was the Jew's turn to post,
With or without Jesus, his cheer was the most.
The typing was done with all the utmost care
For the Jew knew that Santa was standing right over there.
He had never tried to write a Christmas poem before
Probably because he was Jewish, for sure.
Santa glared and he stared and his nostrils did flared
But it was the Jew's turn to post, and about this he certainly cared.
"Why are you doing that, and how do you dare?"
Said Santa through his long bristly beard hair.
"I do this for food," began the defiant Jew,
"I must write about my day and I'm not afraid of you."
So a standoff was had,
the Jew defiant and Santa raving mad,
Until both eyed a plate of cookies and cup filled to the brim
and the Jew and Santa rejoiced, for the milk was not skim.
And that is how I ended up here,
Copying Mrs. Gillies' poem of the year.
And if you see Santa, riding up high,
Tell him the Jew, for Christmas, wants pie.
There, that's my present to all of the readers (members) of the blog, to be opened on Christmas morning. Sorry to copy your lead, Mrs. Gillies, but it looked like fun and the temptation was too strong. But yeah, it's ironic that of all days I could post, I would get this day. Fortunately I didn't get Christmas Day, just Eve, which I've been told is even a greater deal, despite what I've seen in movies. I love Christmas, but probably for very different reasons than most...
Breakfast: I think I had a toasted bagel with some butter. Excuse me for not remembering, it's probably a self-defense mechanism (located in my frontal lobe) meant to prevent trauma from knowing that I'm killing myself with breakfast.
Lunch: I have a newfound hate for malls. I've been dragged to about five in the past week, always with promises of ice cream or movies or express Borders' and I regretted it every time. Today was no different. I went to get a few presents, along with everyone else alive and kicking. I ended up emtpy-handed, but full-stomached - General Taso's is the best way to chipper up a day!
Dinner: One of the greatest Holiday Dinners of the year is on Christmas Eve. Or so I'm told. I wouldn't know because I just get Chinese food instead. But alas and lackadays! Hong Kong Pearl had an hour-long wait and my movie was in 45 minutes! The Jews were really out tonight in full force. Most places were closed and damned if they weren't gonna get some completely normal Chinese food out of the deal! We ended up going to Ruby Tuesday which was surprisngly open, despite it being as American as you can get. I had a hamburger with avocado slices (gotta try new things (foods) once in a while) and french fries.
Then, off to the movies, where, wouldn't you know it, more Jews! But not only Jews, all minorities: Indians, Koreans, Africans, the whole spectrum of American minorities. It's almost like Christmas started as a Christian holiday but became a holiday for all other religions and non-religions as well. I'm OK with that! And oh, the movie? National Treasure 2, bitches. Nicholas Cage gave his usual awesome performance. The faces he makes alone are worth the price of admission. Combine that with Jon Voight and you've got an unstoppable awesomeness machine unseen since the days of Harrison Ford and Sean Connery in Indiana Jones.
My favorite parts:
Jon Voight, alarmingly, upon seeing a video online of a press conference about his grandfather's links to Abraham Lincoln's assasination: "Oh great, it's on the internet, no stopping it now!"
Nick Cage's debate with a 7-year old kid during the White House Easter Egg Hunt about the intricacies of his theory detailing John Wilkes Booth's escape route, which ended with Nicholas Cage saying: "Run along you impossible child!"
No context needed for this one. Nicholas Cage: "The water's rising! Let's open that door before we all drown!"
Ah, good times. Tomorrow I'll hopefully get into a Chinese restaurant without a hitch. I think that's when I'm supposed to do the whole Chinese and a movie bit anyway...there should be a rule book about this somewhere...
Merry Christmas (and a Happy New Year...you filthy animal)
1 comment:
Thank you Dearest Dan. that was the best! I never thought about what non christians did on Christmas eve and Christmas! It was eye opening. If I were a non christian, I would go around while they were all sleeping and pop their lawn ornaments as they lay all nestled in their beds !
Post a Comment