A New Threat Emerges

Sitting at a table in the Blue Fountain Diner with Bob Dole, the mighty lord of Dolism explains to me the semantics of why ketchup is so evil. Suddenly, a loud buzzing noise pulsates from Dole's legendary pen and I wake up just before he tells me the secret to being a good Dolist. Oh darn! I've hit the snooze button four of five times already, and I HAVE to wake up now, or else I'll surely be late for 8:30 Calc. I've already missed the boat on taking a shower this morning. I throw on some clothes, brush my teeth, and head to class.

Calculus today reminded of good ol' Neshaminy with audible construction going on right outside our classroom in Mendel. It was nice to feel like I was in that classic building once more, but then I thought, this is not helping me at this hour in the morning. Intro Philosophy followed Calculus, and then I went to Connelly to meet some friends for lunch.

Lunch:
I had a fried chicken sandwich with fries. I get this a lot here at the Connelly Center, simply because it's so good with mayonaise on top. My friend Vinny also had a fried chicken sandwich, but he smothered his patty with the devilish sauce of the Clintonians: ketchup... How is it that so many pedestrians are blind to the truth that they are eating, in a sense, the spilled blood of Bob Dole's paralyzed right arm when they consume ketchup?! It's as if they are attacking his arm over and over again! Better yet, how is it that the Pope of Dolism himself is blind to this indisputable truth?! And so the Civil War of the Dolists wages on...

After lunch, I went back to the dorm, and did absolutely nothing productive until dinner time. Well, I took an hour long nap, which benefitted my soul and body, so that might count as productive, but you get the point.

Dinner:
Fat Tuesday at the Spit tonight. I had pork, some wierd breaded fish, and several clawfish. The best part was that I barely ate any of this. It wasn't worth de-shelling all of the clawfish for a few shreds of meat, and the other stuff was downright mediocre. Oh well, at least they had REAL ice cream for this special night's dessert. Absolutely splendid.

Later on, I'm doing some work in the lounge, and I recieve a phone call shortly before midnight. Who in God's name is calling me at this hour? Fat Dan?! No way!
"Bob Dole is on the Colbert Report RIGHT NOW!"
"Holy Dole!" I respond, turning to my friend 3FD, "turn on Comedy Central RIGHT NOW!"

Sure enough, our one and only Bob Dole is talking the scriptures of his great religion. He talked about how he wrote a letter defending John McCain from criticism, and then Mitt Romney said, "He's the last person I would want defending me."

I hope you all see the problem here. Mitt Romney has made his anti-Dolist tendencies known, and he will pay the consequences. If you consider yourself a respecting Dolist, do not, I say, DO NOT vote for Mitt Romney!! He's a Clintonian! And if the race should end up Hillary Clinton pitted against Mitt Romney, Dolists would do well to write-in Bob Dole. My fellow Dolists, you have been warned of this emerging threat. Good day, and take care of yourselves.

-Professor Nesto