Sarah Palin: Working for the Japanese?

It's been a few weeks since both parties' conventions and their respective announcements of running mates. By now we all know this crazy Alaskan running with McCain. Nobody in the mainland even heard of her a month ago, but now she's some kind of celebrity. Yet, for some strange, unsettling reason, I feel like I've known Sarah Palin for a longer time than that. Not for much longer. Maybe a month or two. I've had the darndest time putting my finger on it, but just the other day I felt as if I'd solved the mystery. Let me set the stage.

It was the second week of July and e3 season was upon us. For those of you who don't know, e3 is (or perhaps more appropriately, 'was,' but that's another issue entirely) the most exciting time of year for a gamer. It's a gaming convention where the big guns in the industry reveal new games and hardware they've been developing. Each of the major companies hold a press conference to kick off the convention.

So the morning of Nintendo's e3 conference, I went to F. Dan's house to watch it with him on television. The conference was terrible. A complete waste of time. Dreadfully boring. Where were all of the surprises? But perhaps the most painful aspect of the conference was the keynote speaker, Cammie Dunaway, an employee of Nintendo with an unhealthy obsession with smiles. Her glowing, piercing stare, with her screeching voice and perfectly white smile, conveyed the notion that this wasn't really a woman at all. This was new technology from Nintendo, a robot that attempts to mimick human qualities, but in reality, just annoys everyone she talks to. Sort of like Light Bulb Man, I guess.

So how does this relate to Sarah Palin? It's obvious to anyone who witnessed Dunaway's excessivley perky persona as she Wii Skiid with that Carrot Top Olympian and fenced with Badass Reggie on stage -- she looks like, sounds like, thinks like, and generally is like Palin.

Conspiracy Theory: Cammie Dunaway is Sarah Palin. An agent of Nintendo's. A mole trying to get into Washington. Why, might you ask, would Nintendo want to control Washington? That's just plain crazy, Professor! Nintendo makes video games, not legal policy! Any other day I would agree with you. But today, I read this article:

http://wii.ign.com/articles/911/911328p1.html

Nintendo being sued for copyright infringement? Products might be taken off the market? How in the world can they stop that mess? Hmmm... perhaps they can have themselves pardoned via the executive branch? Suddenly it all makes sense. Nintendo, through the use of advanced robot technology, has created their vision of the perfect American woman in an attempt to swoon the electorate, capture the White House, and assure themselves dominance in the video game market. But will it stop there? No. With power comes corruption. You can expect Nintendo, through Palin, to exterminate Sony and Microsoft from the marketplace. Dunaway at e3 was Version 1.0. They read thoroughly the nerdy fan complaints about her around the interweb and spent a month making slight modifications. Then they made a deal under the table with John McCain. Nintendo would give each member of the McCain campaign a free Wii under the condition that Nintendo could choose his running mate. Since Wiis have been so hard to find ever since launch two years ago, McCain really had no other choice. The temptation was too much. He is human, after all.

There's my theory, so take it as you will. This article is in no way meant to tell you how to make your decision in November. On one hand, it would probably be pretty cool if Nintendo was running the show. On the other, placing robots a doorstep away from the Presidency may seem immoral to some. Vote Dole, actually. There's no drawback to that.

On to food!

Lunch:

After Physics Lab (my first of the semester, since the first three weeks of it were cancelled!), I quickly went down to Connelly for a tuna sandwich. It was tasty.

Dinner:

We ate a little later tonight because 3FD and I went to a meeting for some club we didn't realize we were a part of until today (it's not application based -- apparently you get inducted if you have a certain GPA or something). The meeting was cheesy, as was the Pizza I ate at Connelly for dinner (har har!).