In Which Ketchup is Discussed

College is a wonderful place. More specifically, College dining halls are wonderful places. Even more specifically, food is wonderful. And what brings out the inherent flavor in food better than ketchup? Nothing. And so I decided to go on a journey today that spanned three different dining halls to see what the ketchup is like in each place. Suffice it to say, this is mind-blowing stuff.

Breakfast: I decided to start my day-long journey at the Pearlstone Café, which specializes in sandwiches, chicken tenders, and french fries. One would assume that Pearlstone would have the best ketchup since its specialties are so ketchup-driven. But no! There is a sorry bowl of ketchup packets that begs to be mercifully killed. I had a tuna melt sandwich (good stuff) and tried to put enough ketchup on my plate to dip both fries and sandwich, but after nearly 15 minutes of packet-tearing, I had barely enough ketchup for a single fry. Pearlston’s Ketchup Situation (KS): Crappy.

Lunch: After video game class I chose to check out the KS at the Huebeck Dining Hall, conveniently located down the hall from my room. Unfortunately, this dining hall is “healthy” and so I’ve never ventured there before. Surprisingly the KS there was pretty good. Every table had a dedicated ketchup bottle, with more or less enough ketchup left to satiate my immense ketchup thirst. Even with the ketchup though, I wasn’t too big a fan of the steamed broccoli. Huebeck's KS: Good. Food situation: Bad.

Dinner: The granddaddy of all meals, dinner! I’d looked forward to this meal ever since the last dinner a day before. If ever there’s a point in my day that I’m perfectly content, it’s during dinner with a wedge of watermelon before me or a slice of pizza in me. I ate at the Stimson Dining Hall, which is known for superb cuisine such as all-you-can-eat reeses puffs and ice cream. I was not surprised to note that the KS in Stimson was by far, the best KS I’ve ever seen anywhere – and I’ve been to quite a few ketchup-toting establishments! The ketchup there is contained in two giant metal bowls, filled to the brim with a ladle peacefully resting in the center. Need I say any more? Ketchup soup, the holy grail of ketchup enthusiasts! God’s own blood is neither as deep a red, nor as a tasty a condiment, as ketchup soup! I had only French fries and ketchup because at this point my ketchup needs were not yet satisfied. Stimson’s KS: Freakin’ Awesome.


- Not Fat Dan