A Man Named Vixil

Just the other morning, as I tore off the next page on my standing "The Far Side" calender, I couldn't help but notice the subtext on the bottom: 'First Day of Autumn.' Has the beauty of the summer season really departed us already? I can recall as if it were yesterday our momentous graduation of Neshaminy High School. I remember the surreal sensation I felt as I tossed my triangle hat into the air; I remember talking to Mr. Combs, Senor Kain... I remember eating at the diner with Jesse and Eric Doorley, wondering why Eric Doorley was there... I remember playing Smash Bros. until 5 in the morning, until I finally kicked all of those fools out of my house.

I can remember all those years ago hiding in my fort with Jon, Molly, and Susan, spraying Dwayne with Super Soakers until he would go away and leave us alone.

But all of that is over, at least in a spiritual sense. We're here in college, studying the world and its purpose. We must even question our own existence from time to time. Is our solar system like an atom to some mind breaking, gargantuan specimen? Is our Earth simply an electron floating around the nuleus that is our Sun (making Pluto a quasi electron)? How can we even be sure that our eyes aren't constantly lying to us? How do we know this isn't all a dream, and when we die, it's really like waking up from a dream, and we say to ourselves, "Wow, that was one hell of a dream!" Well, even if this world is a complete deception, I appreciate it for one thing no matter what: food. Should it be some trick, I am glad to have fallen for it. On that note, let's talk about my meals for the day.

Breakfast:
I do not eat breakfast; breakfast is my most despised meal of the day, and I cannot possibly view myself ever changing that opinion. I might have chewed a few pieces of Orbit gum before class, but other than that, I had no breakfast.

Lunch:
After Sociology today, I drove over to The Exchange and bought a soft pretzel and a single serving bag of white cheddar popcorn. I ate these in English while we discussed the essay we had just handed in and the novel "Libra," which focuses on the JFK assasination and the CIA conspiracies which surround it. The first part of "Libra" talks a lot about the Bay of Pigs Invasion, which reminds me of "pigs in a blanket," a dish my grandmother makes with mini hot dogs in moon shaped onions. That would have been a good lunch.

Mid Afternoon Snack:
After reading the first three chapters of the Gospel of Mark for my Freshman Seminar class, I felt an urge come over me -- an urge to eat Colonel Taso. I pull out my menu amidst a drawer stacked with various papers, menues, notices, and whatnot. I cautiously dial the number and order Col. Taso and shrimp fried rice. Jesus must have inspired me. Everybody was so jealous as they walked by my open door, seeing me eat Col. Taso's finest. I laugh at their envy; I laugh knowing they're breaking one of those deadly sins or commandments or whatever it is. Ha! Every time I eat Chinese, I have to open a fortune cookie (even though I don't like the cookie's taste). Here is what Col. Taso told me today:

Ulcers are caused not so much by what we eat as what's eating us.

I think Colonel Taso should stick to making chicken.

Dinner:
After I had a sufficient amount of Col. Taso for the day, I put the leftovers in my fridge. A few hours later, I went with the hallmates over to the Spit, where I go to the deli once again, just hoping that they have chicken for my panini for once. I can't remember the last time they had chicken ready. It's ridiculous. Well today, there is a big sign at the front of the line: "We Have Chicken." I was estatic. I finally reach the front of the sinfully long line, and I proclaim proudly, "Chicken Panini, please." As it turns out, they have no panini bread left. What the kakah. So I get a chicken panini made on second tier bread, and naturally, it isn't as good.

PS: Colonel Taso for Brawl!111!!!!111!

-Professor Nesto